Épisode L'odeur du succès S01E07 - Pushing Daisies Saison 1

A l'école de Longboruough, alors que tout le monde était profondément endormi, Ned n'arrivait pas à trouver le sommeil, malgrè qu'il était épuisé. Chaque nuit, il rêvait que sa mère lui revenait. Il se leva et alla dans la cuisine de l'école. Il décida de faire une tarte, avec des fruits pourris qu'il avait récupérés et fait mûrir de nouveau, comme sa mère la faisait toujours. C'était pour lui une façon d'être avec elle. Il se fichait totalement de ne pas pouvoir la manger. Il emporta sa tarte dans sa chambre et s'endormit avec celle-ci à côté de lui. L'odeur le faisait se sentir en sécurité, au chaud et aimé. C'est pourquoi il décida de devenir pâtissier.

Ned se trouvait sur le toit de l'immeuble avec Chuck en train de planter des fleurs. A l'aide de jumelles, Chuck essayait de trouver un toit qui lui servirait à y étendre son apiculture. Ned voudrait savoir pourquoi elle tient tant à avoir tant de miel. Elle ne veut rien lui dire puisqu'il s'agit d'une surprise.

Le lendemain, Chuck a de nouveau fait des tartes pour ses tantes. Elle demande à Olive si elles vont mieux. Malheureusement non. Elle décide alors de passer à la phase 2 de son plan : il faut que ses tantes retournent dans l'eau. Ned les interrompt après avoir trouvé des moules à gâteaux. C'était la surprise de Chuck. Elle voulait faire des petits gâteaux avec du miel à l'intérieur. Mais Ned ne veut servir que des tartes traditionelles dans son restaurant.

Dans son bureau, Emerson lisait Knit Wit Magazine, son magazine littéraire traitant d'humour concernant le tricotage, lorsqu'il reçut un coup de téléphone de la mère d'un certaine Anita Gray. Cette dernière, âgée de 22 ans, 11 semaines, 2 jours, 9 heures et 33 minutes, suivait une formation privée dans le domaine de la science olfactive quand elle eut une épiphanie. Ladite épiphanie fut que son instructeur, Napoleon Lenez, était un génie. C'était une épiphanie dont Napoleon Lenez fit lui-même l'expérience il y a de nombreuses années. Il lui montra comment les sens olfactifs pouvaient déclencher des souvenirs, relâcher les flots d'endorphine et de phéromones, et entraîner des réactions psychologiques et biologiques, ce qui modifiait la façon dont les gens agissaient et ce qu'ils ressentaient. Utilisant l'odeur des cigarettes sans filtre, afin d'évoquer des souvenirs de sa grand-mère, il lui ouvrit son coeur et ses yeux au travers de son nez. Alors elle dévoua sa vie à son travail. Avec sa nouvelle apprentie, Anita, à ses côtés, Lenez créa un guide personnel, intitulé The Smell of Success, pour ceux qui décident non seulement de contrôler leur passé, mais aussi d'inspirer et modeler leur futur grâce au pouvoir de l'odeur. Anita ne vécut pas suffisamment longtemps pour voir le livre publié. Pendant qu'elle travaillait seule, elle fut tuée par une mystérieuse explosion dans le labo de Lenez. Et elle était la seule à pouvoir dire par quoi cette explosion fut causée.

Emerson se mit au travail avec Ned et Chuck et alla interroger la victime. La seule chose dont elle se souvienne avant de mourir, c'est l'odeur des cigarettes sans filtre de sa grand-mère. En effet, son désir d'avoir un autre souvenir, induit de façon olfactive, de sa grand-mère morte depuis longtemps d'un cancer, l'amena à jeter un coup d'oeil à l'unique copie du livre de Lenez. Lorsqu'elle approcha son nez du livre, celui-ci explosa. La personne visée était donc certainement Napoleon Lenez.

Afin d'obtenir plus d'informations, Emerson, Ned et Chuck allèrent rendre visite à l'expert olfactif. A leur entrée, ils furent enfermés dans une sorte de grande cage à double entrée afin de procéder à leur décontamination. Napoleon Lenez ne les laissa pas parler, une odeur en disant bien plus selon lui. Il commença à les sentir chacun leur tour. Cigares, après-rasage, antiacides, liquide et file pour Emerson : Lenez compris qu'Emerson était un détective tricoteur. Ce fut au tour de Ned : Farine, fruit et une fine odeur de phéromones musquées. Chuck quant à elle sentait le miel et... le mort. Lenez expliqua cette odeur par les molécules imprégnées d'odeur animale dans son parfum, trouvées également dans les corps en décomposition et les déjections.

Emerson en vient aux faits : il est venu lui apprendre que son livre état une bombe. Le tueur a utilisé un explosif unique sur l'unique copie du livre de Lenez, un mélange chimique avec un agent oxydent pour créer une réaction en chaîne enflammante.

Le trio apprend que l'éditeur avait avancé la date de parution du livre de Lenez il y a 2 semaines.

De son côté, Olive a convaincu les tantes de Chuck de lui montrer leurs affaires de natation. Elle en profite pour essayer un costume de sirène. Elle leur demanda si elles envisageaient de retourner dans la piscine. Vivian lui dit qu'elle n'a aucune raison d'y retourner, et qu'elles ont annulé leur tournée de retour. Olive trouve une veste qui appartenait à la mère de Chuck. Vivian lui dit de la prendre et qu'elle s'en fiche si elle ne retourne pas dans l'eau.

De retour au Pie Hole, Emerson informe Ned qu'il a parlé à l'éditeur. Il a appris que la date de parution du livre de Lenez fut avancée bien avant le meurtre d'Anita Gray. Il en conclut donc que comme le livre de Lenez a été avancé, celui de quelqu'un d'autre a été retardé. Ce qui peut être un mobile pour le meurtre selon lui.

Pendant ce temps, Olive et Chuck s'éloignent pour discuter, ce qui inquiète un peu Ned. Olive annonce à Chuck que ses tantes ne veulent toujours pas retourner dans l'eau. Chuck lui dit qu'il faudrait leur donner un coup de pouce. Elle demande donc à Olive de continuer à essayer de les convaincre.

De leur côté, Emerson découvre que le livre qui a été retardé est un livre animé. Il se rend donc avec Ned chez son auteur, Chas Spielman. Le livre retardé est un livre pour un public plutôt adulte. Emerson trouve parmi les livres de Chas Spielman un livre qui explique comment fabriquer une bombe. Emerson emporte le livre avec lui. Avant qu'il ne parte, Chas apprend à Ned qu'il ne voulait pas que Lenez meurt puisque l'éditeur a déplacé le livre de Lenez d'un jour de vacances vers une date dont personne ne veut.

Dans la cuisine du Pie Hole, Chuck prépare une tarte pour ses tantes lorsqu'Olive s'aperçoit que l'évier est bouché. Au même instant, Emerson et Ned arrivent dans la cuisine. Le pâtissier donne un coup de main à Olive quand celle-ci se rend compte que quelque chose est coincé dans l'évier. Ned en ressort une chaussette sur laquelle est inscrit 'Vous ne pouvez pas sauver Lenez'.

Ned, Emerson et Chuck montrent cette chaussette à Lenez. Il la sent et il leur apprend qu'elle ne peut provenir que d'un seul homme : Oscar Vibenius. Ce dernier et Lenez étaient partenaires de labo et meilleurs amis, avant que leurs théories olfactives divergentes les séparent. Oscar privilégiait l'odeur sauvage et non modifiée du monde naturel, croyant que les gens ne pouvaient pas apprécier le bonne odeur de la vie sans sentir la mauvaise. Lenez croyait que, parce-que l'odeur avait un effet puissant sur le comportement humain, les hommes ne devraient s'entourer que d'odeurs agréables et soigneusement contrôlées. Avec le temps, leur rivalité grandissait jusqu'à ne plus pouvoir se supporter. Chacun se retranchant dans le monde qu'il trouvait le plus confortable l'un au-dessus du sol, et l'autre en-dessous, dans les égouts.

Selon Lenez, Oscar seait prêt à tout pour empêcher ses théories d'être publiées.

Chez Lily et Vivian, Olive essaye toujours de les convaincre à reprendre leurs activités aquatiques. Pour cela, elle leur montre un verre d'eau dans lequel elle a mis du chlore. Mais ça ne marcha toujours pas.

Ned, Emerson et Chuck recherchent Oscar Vibenius. Ils doivent donc se rendrent dans les égouts. Chuck remarque sa boîte à outil posée sur le sol. Ned comprend qu'il travaille sur un épais tuyau jaune qui traverse les égouts. Ils suivent cet épis tuyau jusqu'à ce qu'ils rencontrent un autre tuyau, plus fin et plus petit celui-ci qui remonte jusqu'à une bouche d'égout. Oscar Vibenius se trouve juste devant eux. Celui-ci leur conseille de courir. Une fois éloignés, au-dessus d'eux, sur la route, le voiture de Lenez explose juste devant ses yeux.

Un peu plus tard, l'information est diffusée au journal télévisé. La journaliste informe les télespectateurs qu'Oscar Vibenius est donc recherché pour tentative de meurtre sur Napoleon lenez. Elle ajoute que les pré-commande du livre sont montées en flèche après le première explosion qui a causé la mort d'Anita Gray.

Etant témoins, Ned et Emerson vont devoir faire une déclaration publique. Emerson interdit à Chuck de les accompagner, de peur que quelqu'un la reconnaisse. Elle en profite alors pour rendre visite à Olive, qu'elle trouve habillée en sirène. Olive lui apprend que Lily et Vivian n'ont pas encore nagé mais qu'elles y pensent, surtout Vivian. Chuck prend Olive en photo à sa demande, puis cette dernière lui donne la veste que Vivian l'a autorisée à prendre. Chuck se met alors à pleurer.

Emerson est aux côtés de Napoleon Lenez pour donner une interview à la journaliste. Pendant qu'ils répondent aux questions, un portrait d'Oscar Vibenius, le suspect n°1, est diffusé à l'antenne. Alors qu' Olive et Chuck se trouvent devant leur télévision au Pie Hole, Oscar Vibenius fait son entrée dans le restaurant. Elles s'approchent de lui, Olive tenant un couteau de cuisine à la main. Oscar leur dit qu'il est simplement là pour manger une part de tarte et discuter. Il leur dit également que ce n'est pas lui qui a essayer de tuer Lenez. Chuck lui demande alors pourquoi il était dans les égouts les mains sur un piège. Il s'explique : après avoir appris l'attentat contre Lenez, il avait suivi son ancien collègue dans un égout, où il perdit sa trace. Ce qu'il trouva à la place fut un mystérieux et épais tuyau jaune, dont il réalisa vite qu'il faisait parti d'un complot pour faire sauter la voiture de Lenez. Il se dépêcha pour désactiver la menace, mais il ne put démonter la bombe avant d'être surpris dans le noir par Emerson, Ned et Chuck. Craignant que la bombe en question allait exploser, il choisit de s'enfuir pour se protéger plutôt que d'expliquer ses actions.

Après leur avoir tout expliqua, Oscar remarqua que Chuck dégageait une certaine odeur qui n'était pas la mort comme l'avait dit Lenez, mais un mélange d'autres choses qu'il n'avait jamais senti auparavant. Chuck change de conversation et demande des preuves de son innocence à Oscar.

Oscar emmène alors Olive et Chuck sur le lieu de l'explosion où la voiture se trouve toujours. Ils remarquent l'odeur de méthane. Malgré que ce gaz n'ait pas d'odeur, la compagnie de gaz y ajoute une senteur chimique avait qu'il ne soit distribué. Oscar leur dit qu'une explosion de méthane dans les égouts n'aurait pas d'odeur, à moins que quelqu'un s'imaginait qu'un ignorant aurait pensé le contraire. Chuck pense tout de suite à Lenez. Oscar ajoute qu'en ayant un livre sur le point d'être publié, c'est Lenez lui-même qui a le plus à gagner lors d'une atteinte à sa vie. Selon lui, rien n'est plus vendeur qu'un petit meurtre et des mutilations.

Pendant ce temps, Lily et Vivian étaient en train de regarder des diapositives rendant de moments heureux. Vivian en trouve une de Chuck lorsqu'elles étaient allées à la secte hébreuse Feta. Vivian demande à Lily si la raison pour laquelle elles avaient arrêté de nager était bien son oeil. Lily lui répond qu'elles se sont arrêtées suffisamment longtemps pour que la raison de leur arrêt n'importe plus. Vivian lui fait alors remarquer qu'il fut un temps où l'eau la rendait heureuse, et que ça serait génial de se lever le matin et de décider d'être heureuse et laisser l'eau tout emporter. Une fois seule dans le salon, Lily prit la boîte de cachets de chlore posée devant elle et sentit à l'intérieur. L'odeur du chlore la fit sourire.

Chez Lenez, l'interview vient de se terminer. Ned a profité de cette interview pour jeter un coup d'oeil un peu partout. Il revient vers Emerson pour lui montrer ce qu'il a trouvé : une chaussette avec l'inscription 'You can't save Lenez' dessus, comme celle qu'ils avaient trouvé dans l'évier au restaurant. Ils comprennent donc que Lenez avait tout planifié lui-même. Après avoir dit à Lenez ce qu'ils pensaient, celui-ci trouva cela ridicule et leur demanda de partir. Mais il les enferma dans la pièce qui lui servait de décontamination. Il prévoyait ainsi de les faire accuser d'une troisième tentative d'attentat à son encontre. La pièce où Emerson et Ned sont enfermés allait se remplir d'un amas de gaz explosif, ce qui obligea Emerson à ranger son arme. Lenez leur avoua tout de même que la mort d'Anita Grey était un accident et qu'il n'avait pas l'intention de la tuer. En effet, lorsque ça devint clair que son éditeur était sur le point d'enterrer le travail de sa vie entière, Lenez concocta par lui-même une stratégie marketing explosive, ce qui donnerait un coup de pouce à son livre en prétendant être la cible d'attaque meurtrière d'un rival. Sa découverte du tome piégé créerait un tourbillon médiatique que son éditeur ne pourrait pas ignorer. Mais il y avait des variables qu'il ne pouvait pas contrôler, comme la totale dévotion de son étudiante la plus dévouée, Anita Gray, qui ne put s'empêcher de sentir le livre. Sa mort mit de l'huile sur le feu, ce qui accrut exponentiellement les pré-ventes. Alors sans plus attendre, Lenez mit sur pied le reste de son plan. Il mit le crime sur le dos d'Oscar, comme prévu, et profita par la suite d'une publicité accrue en effectuant un autre attentat, plus spectaculaire, à l'encontre de sa vie, un attentat qu'Oscar lui-même légitima en apparaissant sur les lieux dans le but de l'arrêter.

Olive, Chuck et Oscar arrivèrent au moment où Lenez s'apprêtaient à remplir la pièce de gaz. Oscar ouvrit la porte de la pièce où Emerson et Ned étaient enfermés. Ils ne risquaient rien avec le gaz puisqu'Oscar avait inversé les tuyaux. Utilisant sa connaissance approfondie du système électrique des égouts, il avait reprogrammé le système entier de décontamination de Lenez juste avant d'entrer dans le bâtiment. Après intervertissement et réajustement, il n'était plus protégé du monde extèrieur, mais ça faisait exactement le contraire. Lenez s'évanouit et les enquêteurs rentrèrent chez eux.

Devant sa fenêtre, Vivian regardait la pluie tomber. Puis elle se mit à chanter tout en allant sous la pluie. Elles se rendirent ensuite à la piscine, habillée de leur costume de Darlings Mermaid Darling, et plongèrent dans l'eau.

A son bureau, Emerson avait abandonné quelque temps ses aiguilles à tricoter pour s'adonner à sa nouvelle passion : les livres animés.

Au Pie Hole, Chuck demande à Ned s'il a vu son vieux pull. Ned lui répond que non mais il lui montre ses nouveaux menus : il y a ajouté les gâteaux au miel que Chuck voulait vendre.

Pendant ce temps, Oscar Vibenius se trouvait devant le restaurant. Il avait avec lui le pull de Chuck, qu'il ne pouvait pas s'empêcher de sentir à nouveau. Chuck et son secret étaient en danger.

Fait par lucas62

[ACADEMY - NIGHT: Young Ned is lying awake in bed; turns and looks at the clock, which reads 2:01 a.m. Digby is lying at the foot of his bed]

Narrator: At this very moment at the Longborough School for Boys, young Ned was 9 years, 41 weeks, 14 hours and 3 minutes old ... and exhausted. [Ned sits up; Digby whines in sympathy] For despite the endless waking hours spent assuring himself that his heart was on the mend, Ned discovered the truth in his sleep. Sadly, not a single night had passed since the death of his mother that he didn't dream of her coming back to him. [gets out of bed and leaves the room] Realizing he couldn't rush his heart into healing, he concocted a plan: to reconnect with his mother in a way that only he could. [KITCHEN: in the dark, vast industrial room, Ned looks up on a high shelf and sees fresh strawberries out of his reach. He looks at his reflection off toaster and sees the image of his smiling mother handing him a pie]

Narrator: For young Ned wasn't like the other children, or the other adults for that matter. [Ned reaches into a trash can and touches a rotten Granny Smith apple that promptly turns green again] Which in this case, delighted him. Briefly. [bubbling pots on the stove and flour on the counter, Ned takes out a pie from oven and sniffs it] Although young Ned knew he couldn't taste the pie lest the fruit rot again, he didn't care. [Ned climbs back in bed cradling the pie, his pajamas covered with flour] The mere smell of it made him feel, if only for an hour, exactly like he wanted to feel: safe and warm and loved. [young Ned closes his eyes] Which is why he became ...

[ROOFTOP - NIGHT: Chuck is surveying the city with binoculars; Ned is in lugging a huge pot of flowers]

Narrator: The Pie Maker. Who at this very moment, was planting flowers to make Chuck feel as safe and warm and loved as he once did.

Ned: Sue Bee!

Chuck: Who be?

Ned: I'm referring to the honey, the store-bought kind. The kind I will purchase by the gallon for you.

Chuck: Uh, that honey don't work: it's never as sweet. [pointing] Oh, look: there's a fantastic rooftop for the honey harvesting expansion!

Ned: Let's not plant flowers way over there.

Chuck: You don't even know which building!

Ned: I know it's not this one! And in interest of Operation Urban Honey Pioneer, I think we should keep the operation contained.

Chuck: Comfortably contained.

Ned: Comfortable in a good way, like it's usually used. I'm concerned for the bees: we should keep the flowers close so they'll feel safe.

Chuck: Actually, bees have an incredible sense of smell! So if we keep doing our job and planting the flowers, the bees will do theirs and find them!

Ned: Why do we need so much honey, anyway?

Chuck: It's a surprise.

Ned: Surprise has never been a good word for me.

Chuck: Well, you'll like this one. And just so you know, the honeybee has to visit hundreds of blossoms before it has enough nectar to take back to the hive, so the more flowers, the merrier the bees. [Ned's face falls at the prospect of lugging more pots of flowers]

Narrator: A broken-hearted Olive Snook found herself navigating a minefield of her own making ... [THE PIE HOLE: Olive comes behind the counter and runs smack into Ned, who has his hands full of dirty dishes; both react nervously, but Olive is far more caffeinated of the two ... ]

Olive: This is what it is, isn't it? Unless that's not a rolling pin under your apron ...

Ned: [puts down some dishes and pulls a rolling pin from his apron pocket] Sorry.

Olive: Oh! [prattles on nervously] Isn't it great we can joke, now that we know that there's nothing going on between us and never will! I'll bet this sort of thing happens all the time between adults: mixed romantic messages. The next time we'll be looking back and laugh until we wet the rug! Which we'll then want to shampoo - a couple of times - possibly three depending on what we've been drinking! [whips Ned with a towel, causing him to back away and almost bump into Chuck, who is coming out the kitchen with two pie boxes]

Chuck: Ohh! Maybe I should wear a bell!

Ned: [thinking] Actually ...

Chuck: [quickly] I'm not wearing a bell. [hands a pie box to the Deliveryboy]

Narrator: Chuck continued to keep the secret ingredient of her pies secret. Not even Olive Snook knew the baked secret she delivered contained homeopathic mood-enhancers meant to pry Chuck's aunts out of their funk. [Chuck puts down the other pie box and takes Olive by the hand to the end of the counter]

Chuck: So, have they been in a good mood? My aunts?

Olive: Moods. Plural. And not all of them good.

Chuck: Okay, maybe it's time to go to Phase 2.

Olive: Have we been in Phase 1 this whole time?

Chuck: Mmm-hmm.

Olive: How many phases are there?

Chuck: Four that I know of, but maybe five. Right now we're at Phase 2, which means we need to get them back in the water! It's like oxygen for them.

Olive: Because they're former mermaids!

Chuck: Only professionally, not mythologically speaking.

Olive: Oh, I know all about their mermaids -

Ned: Ahem! [Ned holds up cupcake tins] What are these? Cupcake pans?

Chuck: [timidly] Surprise. [KITCHEN: Chuck is showing Ned little mini-pies that she baked]

Ned: It's The Pie Hole, not The Cupcake Hole.

Chuck: But it's not a cupcake, it's a cup-pie! A single-serve pie with honey, my honey baked into the crust. And since it's still a pie, it could be served in The Pie Hole, by definition.

Ned: I'm a purist: I like that we only serve traditional pies in The Pie Hole, not these hybrids.

Chuck: Y'know, you could do with a little loosening up.

Ned: [crosses his arms tightly] I don't do loose: I prefer tightly wound. Not shapeless with extra room for surprises.

Chuck: I was a surprise: you made room for me. Some.

Ned: Yeah, I made room: a whole rooftop full of room for you and your bees.

Chuck: I know and I love it. And I'm not Quasimodo in the bell tower.

Ned: Quasimodo would've been a lot better off if he'd stayed in his bell tower where it was safe and comfortable and he had his bell.

Chuck: I'm not sure Quasimodo would agree with that: Quasi wanted adventure, Quasi wanted to see the world, Quasi wanted cup-pies!

Narrator: Private investigator Emerson Cod was enjoying the latest issue of Knit Wit Magazine, his literary outlet for knitting humor, when he received a phone call from the mother of one Anita Gray. [chuckling to himself when the phone rings; he answers] The facts were these: [NAPOLEON LENEZ'S OFFICE: Combination lab/office, it is sterile, white and sparsely but tastefully decorated; a lab table is littered with the usual bubbling beakers and a young blonde woman taking notes]

Narrator: Anita Gray, 22 years, 11 weeks, 2 days, 9 hours old and 33 minutes old, was taking a private tutorial in olfactory science when he experienced an epiphany. [puts down her pencil and gazes dreamily at Napoleon LeNez, a handsome but pompous and prissy man in a lab coat] And the epiphany was that her instructor, Napoleon LeNez, was a genius. It was an epiphany that he himself had experienced many, many years earlier. He showed her how olfactory cues could trigger memories, release floods of endorphins and pheromones and caused by logical and psychological reactions that deeply impacted the way people behave and feel. [LeNez shows Anita several diagrams of a bisected head with different stimuli corresponding with certain areas of the brain. A diagram becomes animated and sniffs cigarette smoke; the brain becomes alight with activity and the head smiles. LeNez scratches a scratch ‘n sniff card and presents it to Anita, who inhales deeply]

Narrator: Using the smell of unfiltered cigarettes to evoke fond memories of her grandmother, he opened her eyes and heart through her nose. [MONTAGE: A wizened elderly woman in a wheelchair wearing a banner "World's Best Grandma" takes a puff of a cigarette through her tracheotomy hole and exhales; Anita bends down and smiles happily] So she devoted her life to his work. [Anita tears up and LeNez gently wipes her eyes with a handkerchief] With his new apprentice, Anita, by his side, LeNez created a self-help guide for those who wished not only to harness their past, but to inspire and mold their future via the power of smell. [MONTAGE: cover of LeNez's book, "The Smell of Success: A Layman's Guide to Satisfaction Through Olfaction"] Anita didn't live to see the book published: while working alone, she was killed by a mysterious explosion in LeNez's lab. [FLASHBACK: sitting at LeNez's desk, Anita bends down out of sight to sniff an unknown object and explodes] As to what caused that explosion, seemed to be a question that only Anita Gray could answer ...

[MORGUE: the trio is standing over a covered body. Ned takes a cautionary whiff before pulling back the sheets and revealing the still-smoking remains of a female-shaped person with singed blonde hair. The trio reacts accordingly to the sight and smell]

Ned: [jumps back] Whoa!

Chuck: [cross-eyed from the smell] That is pungent.

Emerson: [standing waaay back] Pungent like fried chicken grilled on a bed of hair! [to Ned] Well, what're you waiting on? [Ned starts his watch and touches the corpse, who sits up and sniffs the air quizzically]

Anita Gray: Who's smoking?

Ned: You.

Anita Gray: [apologetically] How rude of me! I'm dreadfully sorry! [flaps at herself] This can't be good for your lungs ...

Chuck: Anita, you have less than a minute to impart any last words -

Emerson: - On the subject of what caused the explosion!

Anita Gray: Explosion? That's what that flash was ...

Ned: Do you remember anything before the flash?

Anita Gray: [closes her eyes, smiles] The smell of my grandma's unfiltered cigarettes.

Narrator: Unfortunately, Anita's desire to experience another olfactory-induced memory of her beloved grandmother, long dead from cancer, led her to sneak a look at the one and only advance copy of LeNez's book. A book that was meant for his nose only ... [FLASHBACK: at LeNez's desk, Anita glances surreptitiously, opens the book, scratches, sniffs and explodes] This was clearly a case of ...

Chuck: Death by scratch ‘n sniff?

Emerson: So LeNez didn't want you lookin' at that book?

Anita Gray: He didn't want anyone looking at it yet. [realizing] Oh, no, was I being punished for peeking at it? Is God mad at me?

Chuck: No, no, God is not mad at you.

Ned: [under his breath] Somebody's mad at somebody.

Emerson: Somebody's mad at Napoleon LeNez: that damn book was booby-trapped!

Ned: [watch beeps] Oh, five seconds!

Anita Gray: Am I gonna see my grandma now?

Emerson: [to himself] Far as you know ...

Ned: That's a yes. [touches Anita and she falls back dead]

Emerson: Death by scratch ‘n sniff: what the hell happened to people shooting each other with guns?

[NAPOLEON LENEZ'S OFFICE: elevator door opens with a ding! and the trio step into the foyer, which is sectioned into an antechamber that is hermetically sealed from the rest of the room by a sliding glass door. Inside the suite, Napoleon LeNez is standing by his desk, a blackened wall and hole where the explosion occurred]

Narrator: Anxious to sniff out more information, our heroes sought out Napoleon LeNez, scratch ‘n sniff author, in his suite above the city, and immediately found themselves in an alarming situation ...

Emerson: What the hell? [with an ominous beep, the elevator door closes: they're effectively sealed in the antechamber. A loud whirring noise starts softly, then gets louder]

Napoleon LeNez: [speaking into a microphone] Do not be alarmed by this situation.

Emerson: Hey! Hey! [large industrial fans inside the wall fires up, while upright bars on either side of them activate: nozzles aim jetted air, much like the latter section of a high-powered car wash where the car is blown dry. Ned and Chuck's hair whips around their faces, while Emerson can only shout indignantly] You better open up this door! [LeNez activates a remote: everything shuts down and the doors open to let in the disheveled trio. LeNez approaches them]

Napoleon LeNez: Please excuse my decontamination procedure: my nasal glands are extremely delicate.

Chuck: Napoleon LeNez?

Napoleon LeNez: Felicitations.

Emerson: Felici-what? [Chuck elbows him] Um, we're here about your assistant -

Napoleon LeNez: Don't speak. A smell tells so much more. [he comes close enough to kiss him, then suddenly sniffs his upper body and takes it in] Cigars, aftershave, antacids, cash ... [Emerson lights up] And yarn. You're a knitting detective. [Emerson opens his mouth in confusion; LeNez turns to Ned] And you. [Ned closes his eyes, instinctively turning away while being inhaled] Flour. Fruit. And the musky waft of pheromones ... triggered by ... [turns to Emerson, who quickly and strongly protests]

Emerson: [don't look at me!] Mmm-mmm! [Chuck giggles; Napoleon confronts her]

Napoleon LeNez: You. [Chuck stops giggling and stands erect like a deer frozen by headlights] The girl smelling of honey and - [sniffs] Death. [Ned and Emerson look at each other] Which doesn't surprise me. As the alamactic charge of molecules used in your perfume are also found in decomposing bodies and feces.

Chuck: Oh, I'm not wearing any perfume. [Ned coughs alarmingly; Chuck quickly covers] I'm ... not wearing just any perfume ...

Napoleon LeNez: Precisely my point. Why settle for less? In all aspects of life, we strive for perfection. Why not apply those principles to what we smell?

Emerson: [clears his throat] Yeah, yeah, LeNez, look: we're here about that scratch ‘n sniff? Your book was a bomb -

Napoleon LeNez: [insulted] Who are you to criticize my life's work?

Emerson: [pointedly] Your book ... was a bomb? It exploded? [pulls out the sabotaged page from his book in a baggie]

Narrator: The killer had used a unique explosive on LeNez's advance copy of the book: a chemical mixed with an oxidizing agent to create a fiery chain reaction. [FLASHBACK: close-up of the sabotaged page. When the scratch ‘n sniff surface is pierced, it explodes. Later, the trio are sitting on a plastic-encased couch, while LeNez sits opposite]

Chuck: Are they still going to publish your book?

Napoleon LeNez: Anita would've wanted it that way. [sadly] Although I'm sure she would've preferred a version where she lived. Still, she was thrilled when my publisher bumped up the release date of "The Smell of Success".

Emerson: When did they bump up your smell?

Napoleon LeNez: Two weeks ago. Follow your nose, Mr. Cod, and it will lead you to this deviant's doorstep. When we harness the power of smell, we become bloodhounds of our own desires. Smell it, crave it, own it.

[CHARLES' SITTING ROOM: The room is littered with boxes of the sisters' mermaid memorabilia; Olive is wearing a clamshell bra over her top. She twiddles her fingers expectantly as Lily holds up an American flag themed mermaid flippers. Vivian looks on excitedly]

Olive: You mean I can wear ‘em? You mean it? On my feet?

Aunt Lily: [unexcited] Unless you're cursed with a sixth toe ... [Olive reaches for it but Lily draws back] You're not, are you?

Olive: No, no, five fingers, five toes: us nuts are boring that way. [Lily hands it to her; Vivian helps her try it on] Had a cousin with a third nipple: he'd let you see it for a dollar!

Aunt Vivian: How fascinating!

Aunt Lily: And a bargain, too!

Olive: This is a dream come true! [flaps her feet ecstatically, squawking with delight] I hope this doesn't freak you out: I used to be a big Darling Mermaid Darlings enthusiast! I had the tail and the clam-shell bra, ohh! [Vivian adorns a necklace around her] Just like this one!

Aunt Lily: Did you show that off for a dollar?

Olive: Oh, I bet you miss your fans: I know I would. All the adoration, all the love ... doesn't all this paraphernalia make you want to get back in the pool?

Aunt Vivian: No reason to ... [sitting back down, sadly] Um, we cancelled our comeback tour ...

Olive: But look at all this stuff! Imagine all the money you'll make from merchandising alone. [reaches for a sweater on the sofa] What's this? [Lily takes it from her]

Aunt Lily: That belonged to Charlotte.

Aunt Vivian: It was her mother's.

Olive: [sits down, then quietly] Whatever happened to Charlotte's mother?

Aunt Lily: She died.

Narrator: And with that, Lily went to her dark place.

Aunt Lily: You want it, take it. [throws the sweater back at Olive] I don't care if I ever get in the water again. Now for the love of Kukla, Fran and Ollie, rent the girl a handtruck and get this crap outta here! [walks out] I need a piece of pie.

[THE PIE HOLE: Ned and Emerson are sitting in a booth]

Ned: Do you think people can change their lives by smelling the right smell?

Emerson: If so, I'm gonna get me some cash potpourri. [takes out a leaf of paper] I talked to that publisher: LeNez's book was bumped up the release schedule prior to Anita Gray's murder.

Ned: So ...

Emerson: So if LeNez's book got moved up ahead of schedule, somebody else's book got moved off. Find the book that was formerly on this schedule that is no longer on this schedule, and you'll find an angry author with a motive to kill. [Chuck places a plate of half-eaten pie on the table and slides in next to Emerson]

Chuck: Look: a slice of pie is too much for customers. A cup-pie would be perfect.

Emerson: [irritated] See that? See what you just did just now? You interrupted our conversation with your cup-pie chatter when I don't even know what a cup-pie is, which means, I don't give a damn what a cup-pie is!

Chuck: [oblivious to his anger] I'm sorry: a cup-pie is a single-serve pie with a honey-baked crust. Doesn't that sound good?

Ned: Sounds delicious, but we don't serve them here.

Chuck: Am I seriously the first person to question your aversion to change? What about your ex-girlfriends?

Ned: Emerson doesn't want to hear about any of this.

Emerson: [perking up] I must admit, I am curious. Hell, before Dead Girl came along, I didn't know what you liked, or if you liked or if you had anything to like with! For all I know, you coulda been one of those people who was born with both but didn't use either!

Ned: I've had girlfriends, but there were always extraneous factors.

Emerson & Chuck: What kind of extraneous factors?

Ned: [stalling] Y'know ... grew apart and lost interest ... had intimate relations on a bearskin rug.

Chuck: Oh, no, did it - ? [makes clawing gestures with her hands]

Ned: It did enough to be upsetting. [Olive comes up to the table and gestures swimming/water wave motions at Chuck, then takes her by the hand]

Ned: [imitating Olive with his hands] What's all this?

Chuck: Girl business/bonding.

Ned: Huh? [at the counter, Olive is debriefing Chuck]

Olive: Phase 2 has experienced a hiccup.

Chuck: The kind of hiccup that goes away if you drink a glass of water or hold your breath?

Olive: No, the kind of hiccup that keeps you up for days on end ‘til you go crazy and you give away all your cherished mermaid mementos and refuse to get back in the pool again.

Chuck: Oh, no ... have they been eating their pie?

Olive: Chuck, a slice of pie can't solve all their problems!

Chuck: We just need to get them stronger pie and give them a little push! Into the water.

Olive: Well, I have been pushing.

Chuck: You need to push harder.

Narrator: The Pie Maker feared that Chuck and Olive bonding was like a chemical accelerant bonding with an oxidizing agent: an explosion was bound to pop up.

Emerson: [reading] Oooh, pop-ups!

Ned: What?

Emerson: Pop-up books! [dreamily] I love pop-up books ... and if the sacred cash cow that I worship is mooing down on us ... [points at a highlighted name on the list] ... our killer likes pop-up books, too!

Narrator: Emerson and Ned pursued pinning down the pop-up author. [POP-UP PALACE: a strange little bookstore filled with displays of various pop-up books. Ned is reading "The Pop-Up Book of Sports Related Deaths: A Pop-Up Adventure ... LOOK INSIDE!" while Emerson looks over his shoulder, chortling in delight. The equally strange shop owner, Chas Spielman, walks in, carefully holding a pop-up book]

Emerson: You Chas Spielman? Author of "Pop-Up Pin-Up"?

Chas Spielman: That's me. You here for a sneak-peek, or should I say, peep of my latest book? [hands a copy to Ned; the cover features a scantily-clad woman, leaving little to the imagination of its contents]

Emerson: I heard that book was cancelled.

Chas Spielman: Temporarily. I'm still working on that. [Ned opens it and is immediately aghast; he shows it Emerson]

Emerson: [cocks an eyebrow] This don't look like no pop-up book I had as a child ...

Chas Spielman: Pop-ups aren't just for children: my pop-ups are designed for their original audience.

Ned: [distractedly] Perverts? [holds the book sideways like a centerfold magazine]

Chas Spielman: Pure connoisseurs of art.

Emerson: Or homicidal maniacs with rudimentary reading skills ... [picks up a book and reads the cover] "New Patriots Pop-Up Book", a three-dimensional instructional guide telling you everything you wanted to know on how to build a bomb of all shapes and sizes. [opens it to reveal a KABOOM! pop-up]

Chas Spielman: Pop-Up Palace appeals to an unusual demographic.

Emerson: Any instructions in here on how to build a scratch ‘n sniff bomb?

Chas Spielman: Is this about the attempt on Napoleon LeNez? [off their surprised looks] Word travels fast in literary circles.

Emerson: Well, his book did bump off "Pop-Up Pin-Up" off the schedule: seems like a good enough motive to blow somebody up. [off the kaboom book] And clearly you have the means ...

Chas Spielman: [smugly] Who would publish a book on how to kill somebody, then kill somebody they knew using the method they published in the book?

Ned: [he's got a point] Oooh ...

Emerson: [nonplussed] Yeah, well, I'm keeping this book as evidence. [sees one entitled "How to Make Your Own Pop-Up Book"; lighting up] Oooh, and these too. [grabs the perverted book out of Ned's hands, then rushes out the store]

Ned: So you didn't want LeNez dead?

Chas Spielman: I may be petty but I'm not that petty. Besides, the publisher moved LeNez's book from a prime holiday spot to no man's land. If you ask me, his book wasn't bumped: it was dumped.

[THE PIE HOLE KITCHEN: Chuck takes a pie in the oven; Olive wrinkles her nose and sniffs]

Olive: Oh, it smells like family hour at the public pool.

Chuck: Oh, no, that's not the pie: it's chlorine tablets. Aunt Lily used to say it smelled like bottled sunshine!

Olive: Well, if it came in a bottle, Aunt Lily would like it.

Chuck: [laughs] See, I've been reading this really good self-help book: it's about the power of smell! I thought we'd try it: see what happens when you combine the power of smell of pie happiness with the happiness of chlorine! [loud bubbling emanates from a plugged-up sink; Olive goes to the sink]

Olive: Y'know, I read a self-help book once: "Samsonized: How to Grow Your Hair to Become a More Powerful You". Two weeks later and I was balder than a baby's behind ... [takes a plunger and starts to work on the sink; Emerson walks in, then off his bald head] Looks like I'm not the only one who read it. What's the haps, Paps? Any luck on the case?

Emerson: [offended] First of all, I ain't your Paps: "paps" has a lady connotation. And second of all, this ain't none of your business.

Olive: Oh, yuck! [sink is still bubbling; she gestures to Ned] Something's stuck in there. [Ned gets a pair of tongs and eventually fishes out a filthy tube sock: the smell immediately causes the gang to wretch] Oh, no, they di'in't!

Narrator: The intent of the warning was obvious ... [tube sock has lettering that reads "U CAN'T SAVE LENEZ"]

Olive: [reading] You can't save LeNez!

Narrator: ... Someone wanted to make a stink. [LE NEZ'S OFFICE: LeNez removes the tube sock from its protective baggie with tweezers; Ned, Chuck and Emerson react accordingly and pinch their noses, while LeNez closes his eyes and sniffs]

Napoleon LeNez: Decay ... a tinge of rusted iron ... harsh but spiky with a sulfuric edge ... this loathsome omen came up from the sewer. [opens his eyes in shock] Which means it only could've come from one man: Oscar Vibenius!

Narrator: Oscar Vibenius and Napoleon LeNez were lab partners and the best of friends, until their divergent olfaction theories tore them apart. [FLASHBACK: in a college lab, the natty LeNez sniffs pleasantly from a beaker and presents it to the unrefined Vibenius, who reacts negatively] Oscar favored the wild, unfettered smells of the natural world, believing that people couldn't appreciate the good smells in life without smelling the bad. LeNez believed that because smell has a powerful affect on human behavior, humans should only surround themselves with only good, carefully controlled odors. [Vibenius goes to a window and opens it, wafting in the outdoor odors; LeNez frowns and shuts the window. They circle each other dangerously] Over time, their rivalry grew until neither man could stand the other. Each retreated to the world's they found most comfortable: [MONTAGE: LeNez is being cleansed in his decontamination chamber, while Oscar stands in the sewer] One above ground, and one below.

Napoleon LeNez: There was really nothing I could do: it's sad, but Oscar would do anything to prevent my theories from being published.

Chuck: [through pinched nose] Do you have any idea where he could be? [LeNez puts the sock back in the baggie and seals it; the trio unpinch their noses]

Napoleon LeNez: There were rumors: some claimed that he committed suicide. Others were convinced that he ended up in a mental institution, only to be put back on the street by the Reagan Administration. I heard tales of Oscar roaming the sewers, haunting them ... a soured husk of who he once was. But then, someone recently told me that he worked for the DWP, so that might explain where some of those rumors came from. [throws the bag toward a frightened Chuck; Ned catches it]

[CHARLES' SITTING ROOM: Olive is presenting an empty glass to the aunts]

Olive: Look carefully, ladies: this is your future.

Aunt Lily: [bored] Is it vodka?

Olive: Water.

Aunt Lily: As in Russian for vodka?

Olive: As in English for H20!

Aunt Vivian: Lily doesn't believe in water anymore: she thinks it's a waste of a perfectly good tumbler! [Olive plops a couple of chlorine tablets: the water turns blue and fizzles. She wafts it in front of the aunts]

Olive: How ‘bout now?

Aunt Vivian: [taking the glass] Chlorine! Lily used to say it reminded her of bottled sunshine!

Aunt Lily: Now it reminds me of children without bladder control. [after a moment, the corners of her mouth perks up as she smells the chlorine]

Olive: Why, Lily: is that a smile? [Vivian wafts it in front of Lily: her eyes perk up, until she burps]

Aunt Lily: Just gas.

Narrator: So she swallowed her happiness and retreated to the safety of her usual despondency. As Lily's gas passed, our determined heroes followed the tube sock to its own foul origin ... [SEWER: Trio climb down the ladder, armed with flashlights]

Emerson: Oscar Vibenius! [his voice echoes and bounces off the walls]

Ned: We're really walking around down here: this is where he roams and haunts.

Emerson: See, you gonna make me get my shoes wet!

Chuck: [pointing] There's his toolbox! [Ned flashes his light on a red tool box with Vibenius' name on it; then points his light along a hose on the wall]

Ned: Looks like he's working on this thick yellow hose!

Chuck: Well, let's follow the yellow thick hose.

Ned: Follow the yellow thick hose!

Emerson: So hope there's methane down here ... ‘cause the skinny ones are the first to go! [later, they are still following the yellow thick hose]

Chuck: Hello?

Emerson: He ain't down here! Ain't nobody down here! We been walking around here for hours following Dead Girl, now we lost!

Ned: We're not lost: we're following the yellow thick hose!

Chuck: What about all those rumors? The ones about Oscar and the mental institution, or worse yet, becoming a modern-day monster?

Ned: There are no such thing as monsters.

Chuck: What about C.H.U.D.?

Emerson: "C.H.U.D."?!

Chuck: Cannibalistic Humanoid Underground Dwellers. [whispering fearfully] They feed on the homeless and helpless passer-bys! I hear they're pack hunters!

Emerson: Yeah, well, in that case, I sure hope they like white meat ...

Ned: Oh, thanks ...

Emerson: Where are we exactly?

Chuck: [pulls out a map] Um, we should be in LeNez's neighborhood ... in fact, we're right underneath his apartment building. [Emerson notices a green garden hose, using the flashlight he follows it going up steps, the camera pans up to show that the hose leads outside to the street and is piping gas into a car. The trio hears the clinking of metal and see a mysterious figure at the end of the yellow thick hose]

Emerson: [startled] Ehh! [clears his throat] Oscar Vibenius?

Oscar Vibenius: [turns on them menacingly] You'd better run! [all four scream and flee in different directions. Directly above them on the street, LeNez points his key fob at the car with the green hose sticking out of it and the car explodes, throwing LeNez to the ground]

[NED'S APARTMENT: the TV is playing the events in his living room]

Anchorwoman: Department of Water and Power employee, Oscar Vibenius, is wanted for questioning in the attempted murder of Napoleon LeNez, author of upcoming self-help opus, "Smell of Success". Pre-sales of the book has skyrocketed since the first explosion which caused the death of Anita Gray, a former associate of Mr. LeNez - [Ned has put on a new shirt and tie when Chuck comes out of the shower, wearing a towel and drying her hair]

Chuck: I may be clean, but my mind is still in the gutter.

Ned: Dirty thoughts? Lascivious pinings?

Chuck: Oscar Vibenius.

Ned: Oh, that gutter.

Chuck: He's not a very good killer: he keeps blowing things up and never who he wants to blow up.

Ned: Yeah, he's certainly no sharpshooter. Maybe he just likes the attention.

Chuck: I bet he's real pissy that Napoleon LeNez is getting all the attention. [Emerson leans forward and pipes up]

Emerson: Oscar's about to get all the attention he wants.

Chuck: [embarrassed, tries to cover herself] Oh, um, sorry, I didn't know you were here. How'd you get cleaned up so quick?

Emerson: I got cleaned up in the exactly amount of time it takes to get cleaned up: you just slow.

Chuck: So, why is Oscar getting all the attention?

Emerson: LeNez's about to make a statement, and as witnesses to the most recent attempt on his life, we also have to make a statement. And that "we" don't include "you".

Chuck: Why not? I witnessed the latest attempt.

Emerson: That don't change the fact that there's a grave out there that you're supposed to be in! What're gonna tell people when they ask who you are?

Chuck: I'll say that I'm somebody I'm not!

Emerson: Oh! Hey, Somebody, can I see some ID?

Chuck: Well, I'll smile and I'll be polite and I'll say, "I forgot my purse and I've got no pockets!"

Emerson: Uh-huh. Well, hey, Somebody, now I'm gonna need to see some ID on the account that you look just like that dead girl that got herself killed on that tropical cruise!

Ned: Okay! If that happens, I'll say something like "What is this, a police state?" [beat] If I ever say anything like that, it means I'm having a panic attack.

Emerson: No need to panic: ‘cause she ain't going!

Chuck: [tiny voice] Huh?

Emerson: You ain't going!

[OUTSIDE OLIVE'S APARTMENT: dressed and hair pulled back, Chuck knocks on the door; Olive answers, encased in the All-American Mermaid outfit]

Olive: Just wanted to try it on before I gave it back. While I have you here, would you take my photo?

Chuck: Yeah, sure!

Olive: You should know that Operation Fin Follies is up and flapping. The mermaids are singing!

Chuck: But are they swimming?

Olive: They're thinking about swimming, but their hearts are singing. [face falls] At least one of their hearts; the other's stalling ... psychologically, not cardiologically.

Chuck: [knowingly] Lily.

Olive: That's the one! Man, her nut don't crack! [gives Chuck the camera] Let's do one for the fourth of July! [poses and puckers up her lips like a fish]

Chuck: Her nut does crack, I know it does. I cracked it before.

Olive: Yeah, I've seen that crack. [takes the camera and goes back inside; brings back a sweater] Thought maybe you'd want this.

Chuck: My aunts gave it to you?

Olive: Practically forced it on me: I think it's a first big step for them emotionally. What are the stages of death? Something-something-something-something ... acceptance?

Chuck: [tearing up] Yeah, um, those are the stages ...

Olive: No, no: we're not at that stage of our friendship yet. Please don't cry in front of me. Don't do it, don't you do it!

Chuck: [crying] I'm not going to!

Olive: You'd better not!

Chuck: I won't! [beat; then breaks down and sobs]

Olive: You did it! [trying to cheer her up] Um, would you like a piece of pie? [Chuck nods]

[LENEZ'S OFFICE: the Anchorwoman is here with a camera crew, interviewing LeNez and Emerson]

Anchorwoman: What can smell is good for you? If you're Napoleon LeNez, author of "Smell of Success", the controversial new guide to satisfaction through olfaction, smell can get you killed. Napoleon, how many attempts have there been on your life?

Napoleon LeNez: Right now, there's only been two, Carol.

Anchorwoman: And you're anticipating more?

Napoleon LeNez: I don't know: it seems that there's someone out that who doesn't want my book touching the world. Simply purging your life of the bad smells and focusing on the good, it's all there in my book, "The Smell of Success".

Anchorwoman: But it's not just somebody: you know the man who made two attempts on your life.

Napoleon LeNez: Yes, I do: his name is Oscar Vibenius. [meanwhile, Ned pokes his head a doorway and wanders down a hallway out of sight]

Anchorwoman: Here with us now is an eyewitness to Oscar Vibenius' attempt on your life earlier today. [to Emerson] Sir, tell us what you saw.

Emerson: [preening] Good evening, Carol. Let me preface my statement by saying that my name is Emerson Cod, I'm a private investigator: if you need to reach me, my telephone number is Klondike 5-0-1-5-5. I've been investigating the Anita Gray murder. She was taken much too soon -

[THE PIE HOLE KITCHEN: Chuck and Olive are watching the interview, annoyed]

Chuck: Get a load of Muggy McHambone.

Olive: Hocking his wares ... He just gave out his phone number on national television. [TV shows Oscar Vibenius' DWP ID card and a sketch] Look: that's the killer. [the bell on the door rings: it's Oscar Vibenius. Chuck sees him]

Chuck: Look: there's the killer.

Olive: Oh, Lord. [pulls a kitchen knife and holds it threateningly as Vibenius sits behind the counter] Don't make me cut a bitch.

Oscar Vibenius: Hey, I'm just here for pie and conversation. Neither of which are cause to call a man a "bitch".

Chuck: You're trying to kill Napoleon LeNez!

Oscar Vibenius: If I am, I'm not a very good killer. "I keep blowing things up, but never who I want to blow up?"

Chuck: I said that! Have you been spying on me?

Oscar Vibenius: You'd be surprised what you can hear once you press your ear to the right pipe.

Chuck: If it wasn't you, then who was trying to kill LeNez?

Oscar Vibenius: I have theories: you've been conducting your investigations, I've been conducting mine. We should talk, compare notes, come to conclusions. [to Olive] Now how about you put that knife to use and cut me off a piece of persimmon pie?

Chuck: All right, let's compare notes: why were you in the sewer with your hands on a booby-trap? [Olive points the knife at Vibenius again]

Narrator: Why Oscar Vibenius had his hands on a booby-trap was this: [FLASHBACK: Vibenius climbs down the sewer and sniffs the yellow hose, following it to the bomb; tries to dismantle it but is interrupted by Emerson] After learning of the attempt on LeNez's life, Mr. Vibenius trailed his former colleague to a sewer main, where he lost track of him. But what he found in his stead was a mysterious yellow thick hose, which he discovered was part of a plot to blow up Napoleon LeNez's car. He worked quickly to disable the threat, but couldn't dismantle the bomb before he was startled in the dark. Fearing said bomb was about the blow, he chose to run for cover rather than explain his actions.

Chuck: How do we know you're telling the truth? LeNez practically said you were a C.H.U.D., a Cannibalistic -

Oscar Vibenius: I know what a C.H.U.D. is! And I know Napoleon LeNez! Did he tell you what you smelled like when you met him? He thinks people like that!

Chuck: He said I smelled like honey!

Oscar Vibenius: Like you'd been dipped in it ... [sniffs her wrist] There's something else you smell like ...

Chuck: I know: death. It's my perfume!

Oscar Vibenius: You're not wearing perfume. No, this isn't death: this is something else altogether ... [sniffs the entire length of her arm] I've never smelled anything like it!

Olive: [waves her hand] Do me, do me! What do I smell like?

Oscar Vibenius: [draws back disdainfully] Dog.

Chuck: Never mind dog. We don't believe you: we need proof that just ‘cause you say so.

Oscar Vibenius: Would you believe your noses?

[STREET: They are looking at the remains of the blown-up car]

Olive: Smells like rotten eggs.

Chuck: Well, it was incinerated in an exploding ball of methane gas: what else would it smell like?

Oscar Vibenius: Nothing.

Chuck: Oh! Methane gas is odorless!

Olive: I cook with gas: it smells like rotten eggs!

Chuck: The utility companies add a synthetic chemical smell before it's pumped into your houses.

Oscar Vibenius: But a methane explosion in the sewer wouldn't have a smell: unless someone thought an ignorant public expected it ...

Chuck: [realizing] Someone elitist! Someone like LeNez!

Oscar Vibenius: You know that book about to be published? He has the most to gain by an attempt on his life. Nothing sells book like a little murder and mayhem!

Olive: [excitedly] I already pre-ordered my copy!

Narrator: As Napoleon LeNez's star appeared to rise ... [CHARLES' SITTING ROOM: The aunts are looking at pictures using an old-fashioned slide viewer]

Narrator: Lily and Vivian's star continued to fall as they made their way through a box of slides documenting happier times. [Vivian looks at a picture of a young Chuck wearing a shirt with a Star of David that says "Jews for Cheeses" amid colorful hot air balloons]

Aunt Vivian: Ohh, look, Lily: it's when we went to the Hebrew Feta Fest! [hands it to Lily but she can't see through it properly and hands it back in frustration]

Aunt Lily: I miss my eye.

Aunt Vivian: Peculiar ...

Aunt Lily: What?

Aunt Vivian: You said you missed your eye before you said you missed Charlotte! When I looked at that picture, the first thing I thought of was that I missed Charlotte!

Aunt Lily: [exasperated] Good God, Vivian ... it was the first thing I thought of, too. It just so happens I don't always say what I think! Fancy that! [gets up and pours another Martini from a shaker]

Aunt Vivian: It wasn't your eye why we stopped swimming: we told people it was, but it wasn't!

Aunt Lily: We've been stopped swimming long enough for it not to matter why we stopped swimming.

Aunt Vivian: It used to make you so happy, the water. I think it's brave to try to be happy. You've gotten so comfortable being unhappy. [pleadingly] Wouldn't it be wonderful to wake up in the morning and choose to be happy? To let the water let wash everything away?

Aunt Lily: Eh. [Vivian walks away angrily; Lily picks up the box of tablets and calls after her] You forgot your chlorine tablets ... [she sniffs the box and smiles]

Narrator: Her olfactory glands stimulated with the smells of synchronized swimming, Lily experienced the flood of endorphins of bottled sunshine. [LENEZ'S OFFICE: Newscaster and her crew leaves; she turns and makes a "call me" with her fingers and winks at LeNez] As Napoleon LeNez experienced the flood of endorphins from his media blitz, which left The Pie Maker to carry out a blind-side blitz of his own ...

Ned: [coughing his name] Emerson!

Emerson: Where did you go?

Ned: I got bored and started snooping. Okay, maybe Ipso facto snooping, but it wasn't my goal to snoop: just to entertain myself. You know how when you're a guest and you're bored and you go into the bathroom and read through the magazines or rummage through the medicine cabinet and look through the closets and under the bed and you find something you were never meant to see.

Emerson: Get to the point! [Ned shows him something off-screen; Emerson raises his eyebrows] Damn.

Napoleon LeNez: Well, that couldn't have gone better if I'd planned it!

Emerson: Smell it, crave it, own it.

Napoleon LeNez: That's the spirit!

Emerson: So, once you smell it, then you crave it, how far you willing to go before you own it? You can't just scratch and sniff to make a wish, you gotta have a plan, and according to you, this thing couldn't have gone better if you'd planned it yourself, which leads me to believe -

Ned: You planned it yourself! [shows LeNez a clean white tube sock that reads "YOU CAN'T SA"] You set Oscar up, after you figured the correct spacing.

Napoleon LeNez: [stuttering] This is ridic - how dare - you planted that sock! [haughtily] I am not going to stand here and be accused. I think it's best if you both leave.

Emerson: I concur. [as Ned and Emerson enter the antechamber, LeNez uses his remote and closes the glass doors]

Napoleon LeNez: When I suggested you leave, I didn't mean the penthouse: I meant this mortal coil. Congratulations, gentlemen: you're about to fall victim to attempt number three on my life. [starts up the fans on high]

Emerson: Hey!

Napoleon LeNez: But don't worry, I'll be sure to mention you in the acknowledgments on the second printing of my book.

Emerson: Oh, HELL NO! [pulls out his gun] Hey, you got exactly three seconds to open this damn door! [loud whooshing sound is heard]

Ned: What's that -

Napoleon LeNez: What's that smell that's filling up the chamber? An amalgamation of explosives of gases which will erupt on my mark, so please, if you're in a hurry to die, fire your gun and set the chamber ablaze!

Emerson: [covering his mouth] Killing us isn't gonna change anything!

Napoleon LeNez: Says you! Imagine the public outcry when the press releases photos of my charred decontamination chamber: the crispy corpses of two private detectives unfortunate enough to trigger my nemesis' third attempt on my life. How tragic, but how perfectly titillating!

Emerson: Boy, Anita sure made a big mistake hitching her horse to your wagon.

Napoleon LeNez: Don't say that: I never meant to hurt her.

Ned: You killed her!

Napoleon LeNez: [defensively] But I didn't mean to: her death was an accident! [FLASHBACK: Napoleon is at his desk, dons rubber gloves and protective goggles, and begins combining explosive chemicals, then applies it carefully on a page in his book]

Narrator: When it became clear that his publisher was going to bury his life's work, LeNez concocted an explosive marketing strategy of his very own. He would boost interest in his book by pretending to the target of a murderous rival's attack. His discovery of the booby-trapped tome would create a publicity whirlwind his publisher could not ignore. But there were variables he couldn't control, including the utter devotion of his most dedicated student, Anita Gray, who couldn't resist a quick sniff. [FLASHBACK: Anita bends to sniff the book and explodes. FLASHBACK: LeNez is sneaking into The Pie Hole kitchen and planting the tube sock] Still, Anita's death only fueled the fire, increasing his book's pre-sales exponentially, so without further adieu, LeNez set the rest of his plot in motion. [FLASHBACK: LeNez is in the sewer, planting the booby-trap] He pinned the crime on Oscar as planned and further capitalized on the growing publicity by staging the second and more spectacular attempt on his life - an attempt that Oscar mistakenly helped legitimize by appearing on the scene to stop it.

Napoleon LeNez: Goodbye, gentlemen: please give Anita my felicitations. And again, tell her I'm sorry. [clicks his remote but nothing happens; the elevator door opens and Chuck, Olive and Vibenius appears]

Chuck: Ned?

Napoleon LeNez: [angrily] Oscar!

Oscar Vibenius: [accusingly] Napoleon!

Olive: [feeling a little left out, she waves] Hi, Emerson!

Emerson: [waves back dourly] Hey, Olive ... [the chamber door opens and Ned waves them back in fear]

Ned: Wait, no, no -

Chuck: It's okay! Oscar reversed the pumps!

Napoleon LeNez: He what?

Narrator: Using his expert knowledge of the city's electrical grid, Oscar had reprogrammed LeNez's entire decontamination system just prior to entering the building. [FLASHBACK: Below ground, Vibenius and Chuck are rewiring the electrical box] Repurposed and rejiggered, it no longer protected him from the outside world. Instead, it did just the opposite. [Vibenius activates a remote of his own: above LeNez, a vent is spewing in outside air, smog, etc. into his precious protective suite; LeNez backs up helplessly]

Napoleon LeNez: No, no, no! [gags, coughs, chokes and passes out]

Narrator: As the system purged itself, the man who demanded purity was branded a filthy murderer. [they all look down on him] And the man who rejoiced that his solid reputation had been cleansed.

Olive: I'm canceling my pre-order.

Narrator: Satisfied that another case had been closed, our heroes returned home. [OUTSIDE CHARLES' HOME: Raining. Vivian is looking out the sitting room window while Lily lounges on the chaise; the clouds begin to part, revealing sunlight] Elsewhere, a tentative breeze of hope signaled a new beginning ...

Aunt Vivian: [singing]
"Morning has broken, like the first morning
Blackbird has spoken, like the first bird" [gets up and walks out]

Aunt Lily: What are you doing? [Vivian walks out door onto the porch and down the steps, arms outstretched to the sky; inside, Lily listens, her expression filled with emotion]

Aunt Vivian: [singing]
Praise for the singing, praise for the morning
Praise for the springing fresh from the word
Sweet the rain's new fall, sunlit from heaven

[SWIMMING POOL: still raining, the empty seating area still has a faded poster of "The Darling Mermaid Darlings". Lily and Vivian are in matching costumes, crying happily; they remove their jackets, put on their goggles and jump in the pool, doing their old routine]

Aunt Vivian: [singing]
Like the first dewfall, on the first grass
Praise for the sweetness of the wet garden
Sprung in completeness where his feet pass
Mine is the sunlight, mine is the morning
Born of the one light, Eden saw play
Praise with elation, praise every morning
God's creation of the new day."

[EMERSON COD'S OFFICE: remnants of cut-out paper and utilities are strewn all over the desk, along with a copy of the "How to Make Your Own Pop-Up Book" and a letter:]
"Dear Mr. Cod,
Thank you for finding my daughter's killer. It gives me peace of mind to know that there are people like you pursuing justice.
Sincerely, Gail Gray"

Narrator: Another case closed, Emerson temporarily set aside his knitting needles to pursue a new hobby - one that magnified his happiness tenfold. [Emerson opens up his homemade pop-up book andscrunches up his nose like a bunny rabbit]

Emerson: I love pop-up books.

[THE PIE HOLE: Chuck is wiping down the counter; Ned comes in with his hands behind his back]

Chuck: Hi. You haven't seen my old sweater, have you?

Ned: No. Have you seen my new menus?

Chuck: No. [hands her a menu] For me?

Ned: For you.

Chuck: [reading the new addition] Cup-pies. [they smile at each other; they both have their arms wrapped around themselves to signify the hug they can't share]

Narrator: The mere sight of each other left The Pie Maker and the girl named Chuck feeling exactly like they wanted to feel: safe and warm and loved. [OUTSIDE THE PIE HOLE: Oscar Vibenius pulls up in his work van and peers inside. He pulls out Chuck's sweater and sniffs at its puzzling odor]

Narrator: Meanwhile, Oscar Vibenius embraced an obsession of his own ... Chuck and her secret were in danger. And this time, it wasn't so much about the telling as it was the smelling.

FIN.

Fait par lucas62